Too much? Not enough?

Detail: recent painting in progress

    There's this intrusive thought that pops up in my head every now and then and it's pretty ridiculous: "Am I making too much art?" I think that it's a ridiculous notion because what does it matter? It's almost like thinking, "Am I breathing too much?" It only comes up when I look at the artwork in my storage racks in the studio. When I moved into the space I had a painting rack made and installed. Completely filled it up as soon as I moved in. I'd done a cull before the move, as well, to get rid of work that didn't need to be around any more. Sometimes, I walk into the studio, see that full rack and knowing that I'm going to keep making more art that may or may not sell, wonder if I'm doing too much. It doesn't matter if it sells or not, that's not my focus. Of course, I like it when work sells because I get to continue paying my bills and debts and putting money back into the studio work by buying the materials I need, amongst other things. However, the thought of having made too much work pops up again. 

    Two things cause that thought to go away almost instantaneously: I have a lot of work that I need to make and too many ideas to explore. The urge to make work is irresistable. I have to do it in some way. I can take time away from directly making things, but the work continues in my head. Another thing popped up for me today when I saw an IG post by Gary Vee. The post is a video with a younger GV in a car when he is asked by a passing fan, "What are three words of motivation when I'm feeling down?" Gary Vee answers, "You're gonna die". The woman looks at him incredulously, but he just repeats himself and says "That's inspiration, do something about it". [see the post here].

    It doesn't take much for me to be motivated as an artist. I'm almost always motivated, thankfully. Hearing those three words in the context of being an artist hits a little differently. The reaction I had was along the lines of, "As long as I can get out of bed, I'm going to continue making art". That's it. I'm not going to let my sometimes overthinking brain con me into considering that I'm making too much art. One day, life will stop, so while I can, I'd better make the most of every day. If the ideas are still hitting and I can find ways to bring them into being, then I'm going to continue painting until I absolutely can't any longer. 

TM

 

It's complicated

Afternoon sun gliding over works in progress

Because I approach most of my paintings without much of a predetermined path, there can be a tendency to over complicate things. This situation is made worse when it feels like almost nothing is working within a painting; not the color, not the forms, not the composition, and on and on. That's where I was yesterday with one piece that I've been wrestling with for a while now. The colors, in particular, felt really off. Too much white mixed in, everything felt too pastel-like. I'd also covered most of a background color combo that I liked a lot. That part was made with spray paint, as well, so it set itself apart from my other marks, which I also liked. 

None of this is uncommon for me to think about considering some of my painting habits. Most of the time, I'm able to shrug it off, but once in a while things get too messy and out of control. The over complication of ideas and, really, the proliferation of ideas that I have can serve to derail any painting I make. I was in bed thinking about this last night and the only thing that kept coming up was "simplify". I often step away from what feels "simple" because in my mind a lot of the times, "simple" is equated to "too easily figured out". That's not the reality, but rather the story I've concocted in my head about my work. As soon as I acknowledged those thoughts, an image came to me of how I could possibly move forward with this painting. I'll find out today if I'm on the right track.

TM

Processing...

Detail of a new painting in progress-August, 2020

It's been about two and-a-half months since I became a "full-time" artist. Even though I've worked my entire teen and adult life (my first job was at age 13, working as a bagger at a neighborhood grocery store), I've always considered myself a full-time artist, in spite of having day jobs. Art was (and is) always at the forefront of my being; it's been one of the few constants in my life and really keeps me going. I could never picture myself doing anything else with my life and now I have the opportunity to explore and expand my life and practice without giving over so much of my time and life energy to a day job. 

I touched on this a bit in today's virtual conversation that I had with Sandra Felemovicious. The interview was part of her "Tap Into Your Creativity" artist interview series on Instagram Live. The short version is that before the pandemic and lockdown, I was involved in a couple of art projects: one with a group show at Towson University and the other a mural through Philadelphia's Mural Arts program. During the pandemic, I completed a print series with master printer, Alexis Nutini. So, there were all of these opportunities that required a lot of time that I knew I wouldn't have if I continued working at Artist & Craftsman, so I gave my two weeks notice. 

It's been a little surreal, in a way, being able to fully concentrate on my artwork and related projects exclusively. The transition period is still going on, even if it felt that there wasn't much of one. Every day is different within the overall structure of daily events. There were no heavenly choirs singing the day after I left the job, just the knowledge that I had a lot of work ahead of me. There was no time to reflect because I had to get to work right away on a few things. I'm just now beginning to have some comprehension about what my life is now. It feels like both a natural state of being and completely alien at the same time. Still processing.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

One of the things I've been trying to figure out is how to have a larger studio space with the need to make larger paintings again. Both Bridgette and ParisTexas LA have requested larger works for clients. The least expensive way to do that was to clear out the front room of the apartment. So, last week, Julia helped me empty out and move three dressers to the curb, along with my bed. Opening up that space was the best thing I've done in a long time here. The only tasks left are to find floor coverings to protect the wood and to cover the wall I'll be using to paint on with plastic and wood railings to hang paintings from as I work on them. 

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

I'm in an extremely fortunate position, particularly since we're in the midst of a pandemic, but I also know that this is the time for it to happen. As Sandra pointed out in today's conversation, I've worked my entire life to get to this point. And it's true. While things have turned out somewhat differently from what I imagined when I was younger, I've had steady opportunities that I was able to take advantage of and worked my way to where I am now. I don't know what's going to happen next, but all I know is that I need to keep going and keep painting.